Lonely~

K~ This might be a bit depressing for some of y'all... And mostly this'll be a ranting of my thoughts, so it won't be as organized as some of my other posts... Excuse any grammar mistakes please and abrupt changes of topic from paragraph to paragraph~ I might not even make sense half of the time

If you don't know this already, our family's moving to the States next year~ (if you didn't know this... who are you and why are you reading my blog?) Yeah big big big change in our lives, and I don't know what to expect... All I know is that I'm leaving my past 11 years of school life and my friends, sisters, brothers, mentors, teammates, and fellow seniors behind and going into a whole new world where I'll be the "new kid" again. This time, though, I'll be a senior and I'll probably feel like I'm intruding into their worlds.

In fact, I already feel like I'm doing exactly that right now~ I look at my 6th grade friends that I had during our year in America, and I barely recognize them. Sure, they might look the same, but if I just started attending Claremont High School, it'd be pretty much meeting them again for the first time. And guess what y'all? That just scares the heck out of me... Although you might think differently, I'm not a very outgoing guy. Yes, once I know you, I'll act as if you were family, but until you become one of my family, whether I've known you for just 5 minutes or for 6 months, you might just be someone I know by face, name, age, nationality, grade, athletic ability, fashion, (yes... -_-;;) and talkativeness. In other words, I won't start up a conversation with you unless it's absolutely necessary, I won't have any small talk with you, and we'll only just know each other by, "Hi Isaac"'s and "Bye Isaac"'s. Well we'll see how I fare in America.

I've been really stressed out about this move to America, and I've been kinda talking to God a ton~ Not as in, "Why God are You making me go!?" but as in, "God, please help me through this time. Take some of my grief please because I feel like I'm going to collapse pretty soon..." Like this last youth group, I cried a ton because we were saying good bye to those who wouldn't be here next year. And crying's usually supposed to help with relieving sadness and tensions right? Well I guess it did for a while, but it only seems to have intensified... I'm constantly begging God to just take some of the sadness away, so I can breathe, but it feels like it's only getting worse... And in this I get my post title, "Lonely~" No, I don't feel abandoned by God, that'd be terrible, but I just feel lonely a ton. And from this I'm learning a lot~

I wonder what Jesus felt when He came to us? I know from my mom's story about how she was really lonely when she first came to Russia. She had no one to talk to, and she complained to God about how sad she was, and He replied with, "How do you think I felt when I was on earth? When the people didn't understand the Truth when He was in front of them? When I saw my closest disciples all flee when I was arrested?" Well... When she said that story, I did get touched a lot, but now I feel like I'm more directly feeling something like that... Jesus must have felt a whole lot worse when He had to leave heaven and His Father's side to come to us.... I just pray a lot these days that Christ would lend me some of His energy and peace that He has so that I'd be able to more smoothly transition to America... I'm a heck a scared though...

So to conclude my terribly written, all over the place post, can y'all pray for me? Especially that I'd be able to find peace in God? Because even though things change and people change, He'll always be the same right? So I better get in the habit of going to Him first because He'll never fail us...

Long Bible verse today people~ :) Looking at it again, I don't even know if it has anything to do with what I wrote... Weird~

Matthew 6:25-34

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? ... ²⁷ Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

... ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.